A car seller on Craigslist may have created the most poignant Jeep Cherokee sales pitch ever made. The Jeep is a 1997 Cherokee and Enid, Oklahoma and its seller is, to put it frankly, a frankly honest seller who is looking not just to sell this Cherokee, but to sell it “to a good home.” There are strict ways to define what this person believes that is.
Before we get to that, though, let’s look at the basic sales pitch:
This is a Jeep Cherokee. This is not a luxury SUV, or a maintenance-free disposable import. It has solid front axles, wind noise, and character.
It’s a Jeep. It rides like a Jeep. It drives like a Jeep. All of these are GOOD things.
It is not new, it is not pristine, it is used. This will be apparent in the pictures.
Fair enough. For $1,750, anyone who’s expecting more than this out of the car is obviously missing a few bolts of their own. Further into the description, which includes colorful stories about how the rear fender got dented (everyone was “perfectly sober” it says) and why there is a crease in the left front fender, we learn about the issues this particular Jeep Cherokee has. They aren’t many, considering its age and high mileage (220,000), but they are there.
Then the seller qualifies who should not buy this vehicle with a few choice lines, a couple of which we’ll reproduce here for your enjoyment:
- If you do not own a toolbox, have never changed your own oil, and are scared of firearms: THIS VEHICLE IS NOT FOR YOU.
- If you own a bieber album, white oakleys, affliction t-shirts, or those candy-assed stitched-pocket jeans: THIS VEHICLE IS NOT FOR YOU.
And, of course, this one, which leads into many of the other prerequisites for 1997 Jeep Cherokee ownership in Enid, Oklahoma:
- If you consider the 2nd Amendment an anachronistic relic and have never owned a firearm: THIS VEHICLE IS NOT FOR YOU.
Which brings us to the first “this is for you” line:
- If, however, you have BALLS OF STEEL and consider adverse weather an excuse to do stupid shit: THIS IS YOUR JEEP.
Finally, he states that his daughter requires that the zombie and Flogging Molly stickers must remain on the vehicle. This, of course, is perfectly reasonable, given that the person who buys it is likely an exact replica of the seller anyway. Yes, he hates Toyota Prius owners and their cars and says that the 4WD in the Jeep works “like a Dickensian Orphan.”
Finally, he answers some popular questions received via email, including this gem:
- Why are you such a dick? Everything is relative; you should see my friends.
In all honesty, I think I’d get along great with this guy. Too bad Oklahoma is so far from Wyoming. Besides, I don’t have $1,750 to buy his Jeep with. Oh well. If you do, maybe you should check out his Craigslist listing for the 1997 Jeep Cherokee.