So you see a car with a total hack job of a repair. It’s obviously functional, but looks hideous. How, exactly, do these redneck fixes keep the car running for those daily trips to Walmart? You know, so the driver can hope to star in the next edition of PofWM?
Well, here are some redneck DIY repairs with an explanation as to how they were done.
OK, here’s the long and the short of it. Ignoring the fact that we’re dealing with an Astro van, one of the worst vehicles ever made, let’s look at the fix objectively. The original door handle broke off, as they are wont to do on these 1990s plastic monsters. Finding replacements is not easy. The fix? Simple. Craft a beautifully-made steampunk edition door handle in copper-ish color and rivet it on there like a pro. Sadly, it wasn’t until after that’d been done that it was realized that the handle couldn’t actually operate the latch. No prob. An old coathanger and a toilet paper roll spindle and we’re good to go until we can get over to the flea market for some brass hinges to modify this awesome build.
What most people don’t realize is that being a redneck is, literally, having a red neck from too much sun on the back of your neck. Which means you’re often quite hot, especially with the burns back there that give you your status. Normal car air conditioners ignore this fact and target only the front of the passenger. That’s no good for a hard-working redneck, of course, so the solution is to add custom air conditioning to your pickup truck via the handily-placed sliding back window. Viola! Instant relief.
The explanation for this fix is simple. The owner of this car is a cop. When an unknown perp smashed out the side mirror on the car, our handy in-between paychecks police officer simply took off his glasses and, in a stroke of hillbilly cop genius, placed them inside the broken mirror housing.
This isn’t actually a fix, it’s an upgrade. All of the upscale, high-falutin’ cars with luxury names like Buick have wood on the interior. Why pay all that money for something that’s so simple to add in yourself?! Yep, this beauty S10 pickup is about to become a Cadillac.
This wasn’t so much a fix as it was an experimental upgrade. After his headlight broke in a collision that totally wasn’t his fault (dammit!), this Toyota owner realized that normal headlights only shine in one direction. Being a redneck engineer of the highest order, he decided to rig an upgrade. Note that the lights now shine in several directions, giving a much wider spread of light on the road ahead. Don’t try to rip this off, it’s patent pending.
This is a relatively common redneck repair. Door locks often break, especially on these new-fangled cars with all their plastic b.s. Why spend upwards of thirty bucks or more at the parts store or junk yard finding a replacement when you can just slap a chain and padlock on there? It’s way more secure, since there aren’t any secret dealership skeleton keys for these bad boys, and those commercials showing the locks getting shot and not breaking? Exactly. Let’s see your Kia’s door handle do that.
This is a great fix, but it’s probably not what you think. There’s nothing wrong with the passenger’s side wiper blade. It was just fine. The problem was with the passenger. This resourceful redneck girl was tired of her old man whining about her driving from the passenger’s side. So, one winter, she took the wiper blade off and told him it broke in the storm. She then put a spoon on there so it wouldn’t scrape the window and.. you guessed it, now his side of the car never has a clear view of the road. BAM! That’s genius right there.
This is not actually a redneck repair. The tape on this BMW’s hood is actually OEM equipment. This is the new, aerodynamic Z3 being sold in the European market. You saw it here first, folks!
What you are witnessing here is a cultural revolution. Like most Europeans, this one wishes to be as American as possible. What’s more, he aspires to not be just any Yank, but a redneck one. That combination lead to this repair. The broken back glass was a perfect opportunity to break out the American floor game and convert it to a tarp in the most redneck of fashion statements. I say give this guy an honorary American passport, some beef jerky, and an M16. He’s as American as they come.
The trouble with windows is that they’re made out of glass. The total upside to this genius redneck repair is that it’s aerodynamic, stylish, and the window actually has more thermal properties than the standard glass that came with the SUV. And who can deny the lovely color coordination? Friends. Jealous.
The wooden door is secondary here. What’s important are the slide bolt, chain lock, and hinges. That, folks, is some seriously remarkable repurposing. This isn’t a redneck fix so much as it is an eco-fix. Of the highest order. Which would explain the chic backdrop for this photo, actually.
Now this one, this is all about the wooden door. If you can look past the Marlboro man driving this beauty, you’ll see that this is actually a chopped-down bi-fold closet door modified carefully to fit just-so as a replacement for the missing door on this truck. The excellent use of tools and materials to customize this remodel of what would otherwise be a low-class American automobile is amazing. We tip our hats to this master redneck repairman.